i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
