He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
