CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
