i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
