Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
