Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
