i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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