I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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