At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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