i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
