3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
