I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
