I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
