We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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