i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
