Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
