I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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