I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
