the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
