And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
