Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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