If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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