i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
