dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
