I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
