She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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