I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
