I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
