my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
