two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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