she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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