What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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