If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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