ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this will be a night to untag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
