"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
