I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
