Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
