He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
