his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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