i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize