Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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