i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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