Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
