WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
