he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
