i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
