peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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