i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
