i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
