they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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