If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
