I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
