why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
