they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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