I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
