I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
