Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
