Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize