Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
