Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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