Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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