My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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