I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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