I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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