if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
