I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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