haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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