And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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