Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
