I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
