My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
