I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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