I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
