what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
