"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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