Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize