if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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