Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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