And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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