...so i touched it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
